| Feelings of acceptance 10:55 - May 13 with 28581 views | Swailsey |
How do people go through life without battling it constantly? |  |
| Who said: "Colin Healy made Cesc Fabregas look like Colin Healy"? | We miss you TLA |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:01 - May 13 with 10308 views | Ryorry |
Modern parenting seems to mostly, thankfully, incorporate awareness that giving your child/ren self-confidence is one of the greatest gifts those looking after kids can give.
Without saying too much, was certainly nothing like that in my young days back in the 50s & 60s, when Victorian principles still seemed to apply for many - from the sound of it, possibly yours too? |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:09 - May 13 with 10287 views | J2BLUE |
I think many do battle it but they just don't mention it. For me, it's not so much just acceptance but respect as well. I feel a certain way about my life and lack of achievements so i'm almost constantly looking for signs from extended family that they respect me. Sounds utterly ridiculous written down but it's true.
There's a family weekend away in August. About 30 people going. It's something that the family does several times a year. I went to every one until about 6 years ago. I haven't been on one since. I was going to this one but now i'm thinking do they even want me there? Would they care if I don't go? How do I explain six years of not going and not seeing certain people? My cousin used to text me every time and ask if I was going. She has since married and had two kids. The last text from her was something about never going and I hadn't even met her partner or daughter(only had one at that stage). Now i'm thinking do I go and hope they're pleased or just stay away and they probably won't be bothered anyway?
There's a big family party in July for a 60th birthday. I'll probably see her there so wait and see what reaction I get. I'm dreading that party. My entire list of insecurities will come to the surface. I'll be the only one of my generation single. Almost the only one without kids. The only one who hasn't got a decent career.
You're not alone mate. |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:18 - May 13 with 10261 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
If we over egg this particular urge then isn't the end game that we bocome the lowest common denominator? At the core is an innate longing for belonging/society but this throws up masses of mental dillemmas in the context of our current sh1t show that celebrates so many negative characteristics.......be true to your deepest Self as best you can.....imho!
Ps...J2, just go it will be fine, don't apologise for the past and enjoy the day/new young relatives etc.... |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:23 - May 13 with 10242 views | GiveusaWave |
Accept yourself mate. The right people will eventually learn to accept you for who you are. |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:24 - May 13 with 10234 views | wkj |
I am currently trying to alter my perception, as you may have noticed if you read my Bowls post. I am trying to train myself to not worry about other people's thoughts about me, and instead go through my own checklist of others. Its a little narcissistic on the outside but in all reality I try and conclude it with "It doesn't matter though" then think the people judging me might also conclude the same.
Even posting on here I am a little different, I am eccentric at times; and my humour is almost child like in others, I throw barbs at people but only ever intended as horseplay though get wound up at real hatred. At the end of the day though, he hardest feeling of acceptance is the ones I feel for myself. In some ways its a bit of a gag that Hoppy and I were to meet for a drink and I keep putting it of, my excuses being working away- whilst accurate in that sense, my choices to work away are voluntary and usually because I am in a seemingly never ending cycle of feeling isolated, then desperate to break out of it and see the world; but now I realise the world I need to focus on is at home- 35, childless and 'single' as a result of that cycle.
As I just found out writing this, I think its a huge help to be open and honest and not ruminating on it; on this board until very recently I have kept myself very private, not met anyone on here, and guarding who I really am- though it has been a HUGE relief lately breaking down those barriers- even if I have been a little irritating toward some people.
I didn't mean to hijack your thread at all, I just got to typing and felt more and more encouraged as I went. You're a nice person on here, so I am sure that is a fundamental quality in which no one should reject.
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:24 - May 13 with 10233 views | Ryorry |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:18 - May 13 by BanksterDebtSlave |
If we over egg this particular urge then isn't the end game that we bocome the lowest common denominator? At the core is an innate longing for belonging/society but this throws up masses of mental dillemmas in the context of our current sh1t show that celebrates so many negative characteristics.......be true to your deepest Self as best you can.....imho!
Ps...J2, just go it will be fine, don't apologise for the past and enjoy the day/new young relatives etc.... |
Well said. Actually, it reminds me of the best advice I've ever been given by my best friend at the time - "be yourself". That was when we were both 11 (eleven!  . Her mother had died not long before, whereupon she suddenly matured beyond her years. | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:33 - May 13 with 10187 views | Guthrum |
I don't think they do, except the utterly self-unaware.
It's just some are better at winning the fight or hiding the struggle. Or perhaps they focus on one particular source (e.g. family, friends, work, faith) for their acceptance, to minimise the need to get it from other places. [Post edited 13 May 2018 11:35]
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:43 - May 13 with 10129 views | giant_stow |
Looking for acceptance is 100% part of the human condition, so I wouldn't fight it. Having said that, there's no need to let it define you either as no one will ever have the same motivations and make up as you or any other individual.
Already quite a bit of pain in this thread. J2 go to that bash and wk, get yourself out there Mr! |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:44 - May 13 with 10128 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:24 - May 13 by wkj |
I am currently trying to alter my perception, as you may have noticed if you read my Bowls post. I am trying to train myself to not worry about other people's thoughts about me, and instead go through my own checklist of others. Its a little narcissistic on the outside but in all reality I try and conclude it with "It doesn't matter though" then think the people judging me might also conclude the same.
Even posting on here I am a little different, I am eccentric at times; and my humour is almost child like in others, I throw barbs at people but only ever intended as horseplay though get wound up at real hatred. At the end of the day though, he hardest feeling of acceptance is the ones I feel for myself. In some ways its a bit of a gag that Hoppy and I were to meet for a drink and I keep putting it of, my excuses being working away- whilst accurate in that sense, my choices to work away are voluntary and usually because I am in a seemingly never ending cycle of feeling isolated, then desperate to break out of it and see the world; but now I realise the world I need to focus on is at home- 35, childless and 'single' as a result of that cycle.
As I just found out writing this, I think its a huge help to be open and honest and not ruminating on it; on this board until very recently I have kept myself very private, not met anyone on here, and guarding who I really am- though it has been a HUGE relief lately breaking down those barriers- even if I have been a little irritating toward some people.
I didn't mean to hijack your thread at all, I just got to typing and felt more and more encouraged as I went. You're a nice person on here, so I am sure that is a fundamental quality in which no one should reject.
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All that time on your own gives you far too much time dwelling on being on your own especially if you spend it dwelling on that fact.
Believe you me, I could give a master class on self destruction born of wanting to make the world a better place and its personal repercussions (mentally and physically) . More positively though at about your age I would never have pictured my life where it is now with a fantastic partner and child. One of the early personal steps on my discovering a more balanced existence was doing voluntary work at SWT to hark back to an earlier thread. I had to put sorting the world out on hold a few years back and lucky twtd gets the occassional benefit of me returning to my more political roots.......lucky you!  [Post edited 13 May 2018 11:52]
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:47 - May 13 with 10110 views | Ryorry |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:33 - May 13 by Guthrum |
I don't think they do, except the utterly self-unaware.
It's just some are better at winning the fight or hiding the struggle. Or perhaps they focus on one particular source (e.g. family, friends, work, faith) for their acceptance, to minimise the need to get it from other places. [Post edited 13 May 2018 11:35]
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Heard the phrase somewhere recently (possibly a BGT entrant!) - "fake it till you make it" (self-confidence ie) - which seems quite sound advice if you can do it! | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:47 - May 13 with 10108 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:33 - May 13 by Guthrum |
I don't think they do, except the utterly self-unaware.
It's just some are better at winning the fight or hiding the struggle. Or perhaps they focus on one particular source (e.g. family, friends, work, faith) for their acceptance, to minimise the need to get it from other places. [Post edited 13 May 2018 11:35]
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Believe me, much misery (and alcohol) looms behind many a comfortable/'happy' middle class curtain.
Edit....Cognitive dissonance is the sickness of our age.....The Emperor has no clothes ! [Post edited 13 May 2018 11:50]
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:51 - May 13 with 10093 views | giant_stow |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:47 - May 13 by Ryorry |
Heard the phrase somewhere recently (possibly a BGT entrant!) - "fake it till you make it" (self-confidence ie) - which seems quite sound advice if you can do it! |
Definitely good advice. That's how I get through flogging-website-meetings without being anything approaching a salesman. | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:52 - May 13 with 10089 views | DanFord |
It’s incredible how much your life changes once you accept that other people’s views are almost entirely irrelevant. The only rule I abide by is to treat others how I’d want to be treated and to not be an arsehole. Ed Sheeran is the biggest and most popular musician in the world and he is hated by large numbers of people. Kanye West is one of the most famous men on the planet. Likewise. You can never please everyone and trying to will always keep you feeling down. There is always someone richer, more successful and better looking. There always will be. You can never be happy trying to please the next level. I used to earn a fortune and spent it on cars, clothes and stuff I thought would impress people. The only ones it impressed were idiots who played the same game. Wear what you want, do what you want, be who you want and as long as you are a decent person you’ll be happy. The people around you will end up being ones that care about you, share your interests and laugh with you. The whole world tries to define how we look, what music we like, how we behave. Aside from wanting to give off the appearance of a decent, polite, considerate human being you can achieve nothing more. Some people even hate those who are most accepted through jealousy so you can never win. You’re a decent bloke that’s clear. Anyone who doesn’t accept you is as a result of a deficiency in themselves that you can only fix by being who they want yo to be and you’ll make yourself unhappy by doing so and become someone that a different person would then want to change to something else. Be decent. Be yourself. And you’ll hopefully realise that’s how you can be happy. |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:55 - May 13 with 10063 views | BrixtonBlue |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:09 - May 13 by J2BLUE |
I think many do battle it but they just don't mention it. For me, it's not so much just acceptance but respect as well. I feel a certain way about my life and lack of achievements so i'm almost constantly looking for signs from extended family that they respect me. Sounds utterly ridiculous written down but it's true.
There's a family weekend away in August. About 30 people going. It's something that the family does several times a year. I went to every one until about 6 years ago. I haven't been on one since. I was going to this one but now i'm thinking do they even want me there? Would they care if I don't go? How do I explain six years of not going and not seeing certain people? My cousin used to text me every time and ask if I was going. She has since married and had two kids. The last text from her was something about never going and I hadn't even met her partner or daughter(only had one at that stage). Now i'm thinking do I go and hope they're pleased or just stay away and they probably won't be bothered anyway?
There's a big family party in July for a 60th birthday. I'll probably see her there so wait and see what reaction I get. I'm dreading that party. My entire list of insecurities will come to the surface. I'll be the only one of my generation single. Almost the only one without kids. The only one who hasn't got a decent career.
You're not alone mate. |
Say yes more. |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:55 - May 13 with 10066 views | hampstead_blue |
there is a Black Mirror episode covering this. The one were the lady has a rating and does everything she can to get to a 4.6......
morale of the story, be yourself and if the heard don't like it then hey ho.
We are who we are and whilst it's hard to avoid a certain amount of conformity one must be true and simply be you.
It's a struggle. I hate it. I'm interviewing at the moment and have to bite my tongue most of the time.
Finding a balance of being you and being able to stomach a certain dose of conformity is one life's great challenges.
Money helps. The more you have the more you can flip the bird and smile. |  |
| Assumption is to make an ass out of you and me.
Those who assume they know you, when they don't are just guessing.
Those who assume and insist they know are daft and in denial.
Those who assume, insist, and deny the truth are plain stupid.
Those who assume, insist, deny the truth and tell YOU they know you (when they don't) have an IQ in the range of 35-49.
| | Poll: | Best Blackpool goal |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 11:58 - May 13 with 10046 views | Ryorry |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:52 - May 13 by DanFord |
It’s incredible how much your life changes once you accept that other people’s views are almost entirely irrelevant. The only rule I abide by is to treat others how I’d want to be treated and to not be an arsehole. Ed Sheeran is the biggest and most popular musician in the world and he is hated by large numbers of people. Kanye West is one of the most famous men on the planet. Likewise. You can never please everyone and trying to will always keep you feeling down. There is always someone richer, more successful and better looking. There always will be. You can never be happy trying to please the next level. I used to earn a fortune and spent it on cars, clothes and stuff I thought would impress people. The only ones it impressed were idiots who played the same game. Wear what you want, do what you want, be who you want and as long as you are a decent person you’ll be happy. The people around you will end up being ones that care about you, share your interests and laugh with you. The whole world tries to define how we look, what music we like, how we behave. Aside from wanting to give off the appearance of a decent, polite, considerate human being you can achieve nothing more. Some people even hate those who are most accepted through jealousy so you can never win. You’re a decent bloke that’s clear. Anyone who doesn’t accept you is as a result of a deficiency in themselves that you can only fix by being who they want yo to be and you’ll make yourself unhappy by doing so and become someone that a different person would then want to change to something else. Be decent. Be yourself. And you’ll hopefully realise that’s how you can be happy. |
Brilliant, just brilliant  | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 12:05 - May 13 with 10035 views | BrixtonBlue |
You and others on this thread sound like you should listen to the audio book (or read the actual book) The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F***.
It's very good, very true and very funny.
I perform poetry to audiences. I'm constantly looking for acceptance! | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 12:06 - May 13 with 10011 views | wkj |
| Feelings of acceptance on 12:05 - May 13 by BrixtonBlue |
You and others on this thread sound like you should listen to the audio book (or read the actual book) The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F***.
It's very good, very true and very funny.
I perform poetry to audiences. I'm constantly looking for acceptance! |
Going on amazon and not giving a ***k partly got me in this mess in the first place :D | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 12:09 - May 13 with 9994 views | BrixtonBlue |
| Feelings of acceptance on 12:06 - May 13 by wkj |
Going on amazon and not giving a ***k partly got me in this mess in the first place :D |
Haha! | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 12:11 - May 13 with 9990 views | tractorboy1978 |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:52 - May 13 by DanFord |
It’s incredible how much your life changes once you accept that other people’s views are almost entirely irrelevant. The only rule I abide by is to treat others how I’d want to be treated and to not be an arsehole. Ed Sheeran is the biggest and most popular musician in the world and he is hated by large numbers of people. Kanye West is one of the most famous men on the planet. Likewise. You can never please everyone and trying to will always keep you feeling down. There is always someone richer, more successful and better looking. There always will be. You can never be happy trying to please the next level. I used to earn a fortune and spent it on cars, clothes and stuff I thought would impress people. The only ones it impressed were idiots who played the same game. Wear what you want, do what you want, be who you want and as long as you are a decent person you’ll be happy. The people around you will end up being ones that care about you, share your interests and laugh with you. The whole world tries to define how we look, what music we like, how we behave. Aside from wanting to give off the appearance of a decent, polite, considerate human being you can achieve nothing more. Some people even hate those who are most accepted through jealousy so you can never win. You’re a decent bloke that’s clear. Anyone who doesn’t accept you is as a result of a deficiency in themselves that you can only fix by being who they want yo to be and you’ll make yourself unhappy by doing so and become someone that a different person would then want to change to something else. Be decent. Be yourself. And you’ll hopefully realise that’s how you can be happy. |
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like". | | | |
| Feelings of acceptance on 12:17 - May 13 with 9960 views | Dubtractor |
| Feelings of acceptance on 11:33 - May 13 by Guthrum |
I don't think they do, except the utterly self-unaware.
It's just some are better at winning the fight or hiding the struggle. Or perhaps they focus on one particular source (e.g. family, friends, work, faith) for their acceptance, to minimise the need to get it from other places. [Post edited 13 May 2018 11:35]
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This.
Plus I don't think there are many people who don't crave acceptance/approval at all, I think most of us do it to some extent, but it is how much it bothers you if you don't get it - or the extent to which you need that acceptance to be demonstrated. |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 12:38 - May 13 with 9909 views | TLA |
It usually starts with self-acceptance, I think.
Many moons ago at school and uni, I was the 'nice guy' - a few mates who were slightly 'badder' seemed to be much more popular and I really wanted to change. I guess I learnt to embrace that I was not them, and subsequently built my life and career around being 'nice' and compassionate and would now never change that.
There's no doubt in my mind that other people accept you and think you're great. Our pre-match gatherings, halftime meetings and connection here makes it clear that people think you're ace. Believing that and understanding the traits in yourself that other's see can be hard though.
There are some good films that I've used in training on YouTube that are quite good. They were based on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and one was using the analogy of how the walls in a flat remain stable, even though their are loads of changes within the room. If I can find them, I'll pop a link or two over. |  | | |
| Feelings of acceptance on 12:47 - May 13 with 9866 views | Herbivore |
As others have suggested it is perfectly natural to seek acceptance and to struggle with the feelings that come with it. I would echo what some others have said in saying that the most important person to seek acceptance from is yourself. Be kind to yourself, forgive your imperfections and take pride in your achievements. Being able to accept who you are doesn't do away with wanting acceptance from others but it certainly means that your own happiness and sense of self-worth are less dependent on the validation of others. |  |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 12:58 - May 13 with 9841 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
| Feelings of acceptance on 12:05 - May 13 by BrixtonBlue |
You and others on this thread sound like you should listen to the audio book (or read the actual book) The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F***.
It's very good, very true and very funny.
I perform poetry to audiences. I'm constantly looking for acceptance! |
You wander....lonely.....as a cloud! | |
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| Feelings of acceptance on 13:11 - May 13 with 9797 views | BrixtonBlue |
| Feelings of acceptance on 12:58 - May 13 by BanksterDebtSlave |
You wander....lonely.....as a cloud! |
Indeed. Sometimes a light and fluffy one, sometimes a dark, foreboding one that will rain on you. | |
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