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My eldest son is 13, autistic and very competitive... thrives at school but isn't very socialble. Last week I decided to challenge him to a few games of pool (just to get him to leave the house) and if he won I'd get him a £15 game on PSN. So he beats me 3-0 with his autism super power.
I was delighted for him as he was absolutely buzzing about it and couldn't wait to go again.... last night I thrashed him 3-1 and we have a very bad loser on our hands. I didn't let him win last week, I probably just assumed I'd beat him.
You shouldn't just let your kid's beat you should you? How to I get him to accept defeat gracefully?
Sticking 'We are the champions' on repeat was probably a bad move on my part :)
I fear for the future of our country with the current trend of 'everyone that takes part is a winner'' or 'participating is everything'. You need winners which by default means we get losers.
Providing we teach gracious winning as well as gracious losing I can't see the problem.
Although playing we are the champions is probably a bit harsh, very funny, but harsh.
You are certainly not a terrible parent. We have seen how you are with Gracie.
All children need to be 'allowed' to win at times and I am sure your son is no different in spite of his autism. You also have to show him that he won't always win when playing with other people. My sons were the same at that age and always wanted to win everything but you have to explain the old adage that it isn't the winning but the taking part that is the main thing. Hopefully he can understand that.
Of course you do have to give in at times and let him win some of the games but it sound like he will certainly do that from the fact he beat you 3.0!
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Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 10:55 - Jul 15 with 9520 views
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 10:50 - Jul 15 by Bluebell
You are certainly not a terrible parent. We have seen how you are with Gracie.
All children need to be 'allowed' to win at times and I am sure your son is no different in spite of his autism. You also have to show him that he won't always win when playing with other people. My sons were the same at that age and always wanted to win everything but you have to explain the old adage that it isn't the winning but the taking part that is the main thing. Hopefully he can understand that.
Of course you do have to give in at times and let him win some of the games but it sound like he will certainly do that from the fact he beat you 3.0!
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 11:05 - Jul 15 by clive_baker
Sounds reasonable to me mate. What computer game are you going to make him buy you?
See I said that, all I really want is for him to play pool with me without wanting a reward in return. A bit of father son bonding time, see what happens next week :)
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 11:08 - Jul 15 by StuartBrett8
See I said that, all I really want is for him to play pool with me without wanting a reward in return. A bit of father son bonding time, see what happens next week :)
He's still winning on aggregate by the way. Just saying....
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 11:08 - Jul 15 by StuartBrett8
See I said that, all I really want is for him to play pool with me without wanting a reward in return. A bit of father son bonding time, see what happens next week :)
Would double or quits on the next instalment help?
I'm from the school of thought where a win against me at anything (sport/board games/PS4) by Beard Jnr has to be deserved. It's life lesson stuff.
Please note: prior to hitting the post button, I've double checked for anything that could be construed as "Anti Semitic" and to the best of my knowledge it isn't. Anything deemed to be of a Xenophobic nature is therefore purely accidental or down to your own misconstruing.
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 11:52 - Jul 15 by artsbossbeard
I'm from the school of thought where a win against me at anything (sport/board games/PS4) by Beard Jnr has to be deserved. It's life lesson stuff.
If I remember correctly, the last time we played football together (in the game that is now referred to as "The battle of the left pegs") you were so anxious that you feigned injury and opted to referee.
And I scored the winning goal.
“Hello, I'm your MP. Actually I'm not. I'm your candidate. Gosh.”
Boris Johnson canvassing in Henley, 2005.
I also have a daughter with high functioning autism. We used to let her win everything as a young child, it made it easier with the tantrums. We stopped as she got older, especially on things like the Wii. She's now more accepting of situations and realises she can't win everything, she'd also turned into a well rounded and sensible young lady. You've done the right thing mate, all the best to you and your family.
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Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 12:18 - Jul 15 with 9131 views
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 12:05 - Jul 15 by Lord_Lucan
If I remember correctly, the last time we played football together (in the game that is now referred to as "The battle of the left pegs") you were so anxious that you feigned injury and opted to referee.
And I scored the winning goal.
I was indeed injured.
The left peg is back to full power currently, it's wand-like, even if I say so myself.
Please note: prior to hitting the post button, I've double checked for anything that could be construed as "Anti Semitic" and to the best of my knowledge it isn't. Anything deemed to be of a Xenophobic nature is therefore purely accidental or down to your own misconstruing.
Just been to a meeting with a Doctor who writes books on Autism as was discussing a similar thing. She worked on the basis that you wont always win but they need to try to beat their own personal best. Not sure in your case how to do that as he beat you 3-0 first time round. I'm fairly new to this as my daughter is high functioning but definately on the spectrum. It quite hard to turn the negative thinking into positives all the time especially as she picks up on any changes we have made from what we have learned about autism.
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Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 21:40 - Jul 15 with 8651 views
I feel your pain - bringing up kids is hard enough in itself, but having to deal with something like autism is really difficult.
My 5 year old son is autistic and would fall under the "high functioning" bracket if such a thing exists, but he is a terrible loser at everything - he even has to be the first one up the stairs at bed time or the first one downstairs in the morning or he really kicks off. One day last week he slept in really late and went properly mental that he was the last one downstairs. Screaming, kicking, trying to bite etc - all cos he was the last one downstairs.
We play a lot of games on the Wii and he is getting pretty good on Mario Kart, but every time we race together I have to ask his permission before the race if I'm allowed to race properly and try to win, or let him win instead. There have been a number of times when I didn't ask (or didn't know I had to ask!) and world war 3 broke out cos he didn't win.
We do try to remind him that he can't win everything, but certainly within the house / family he absolutely cannot handle it when he loses. Yet bizarrely, on his school sports day a couple of weeks ago he came 4th and 5th in his two races and wasn't the slightest bit bothered, so it's looking like the environment or people he's competing against (ie his family) really brings out the worst in him. Maybe that had something to do with it with your lad, although possibly your reaction didn't help ;)
I guess with my son we try to remember strategies that work (or don't work) when it comes to things like this, which I'm sure you've tried as well, but it's hard to think ahead in the heat of the moment sometimes.
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Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 23:40 - Jul 15 with 8555 views
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 21:40 - Jul 15 by DBaldy
I feel your pain - bringing up kids is hard enough in itself, but having to deal with something like autism is really difficult.
My 5 year old son is autistic and would fall under the "high functioning" bracket if such a thing exists, but he is a terrible loser at everything - he even has to be the first one up the stairs at bed time or the first one downstairs in the morning or he really kicks off. One day last week he slept in really late and went properly mental that he was the last one downstairs. Screaming, kicking, trying to bite etc - all cos he was the last one downstairs.
We play a lot of games on the Wii and he is getting pretty good on Mario Kart, but every time we race together I have to ask his permission before the race if I'm allowed to race properly and try to win, or let him win instead. There have been a number of times when I didn't ask (or didn't know I had to ask!) and world war 3 broke out cos he didn't win.
We do try to remind him that he can't win everything, but certainly within the house / family he absolutely cannot handle it when he loses. Yet bizarrely, on his school sports day a couple of weeks ago he came 4th and 5th in his two races and wasn't the slightest bit bothered, so it's looking like the environment or people he's competing against (ie his family) really brings out the worst in him. Maybe that had something to do with it with your lad, although possibly your reaction didn't help ;)
I guess with my son we try to remember strategies that work (or don't work) when it comes to things like this, which I'm sure you've tried as well, but it's hard to think ahead in the heat of the moment sometimes.
The bad loser thing is a kid thing, he came second in sports day the other day and was furious... a winning mentality is quite healthy I think, like I said earlier he's excelling in school which is fantastic. I'm trying to get him into doing stuff for fun rather than having a purpose. Watching televison needs to be eductational for him, he has to learn something from it or it's pointless, and it's the same with books. Recently he has completely ruined Top Gear and Dr Who by just taking in all the incidental details of it. Dr Who he remembers the episode title, and Top Gear he picks up on all the technical spec.... Autism is amazing but he's got something slightly nerdy about him too... loves Minecraft too lol
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 23:40 - Jul 15 by StuartBrett8
The bad loser thing is a kid thing, he came second in sports day the other day and was furious... a winning mentality is quite healthy I think, like I said earlier he's excelling in school which is fantastic. I'm trying to get him into doing stuff for fun rather than having a purpose. Watching televison needs to be eductational for him, he has to learn something from it or it's pointless, and it's the same with books. Recently he has completely ruined Top Gear and Dr Who by just taking in all the incidental details of it. Dr Who he remembers the episode title, and Top Gear he picks up on all the technical spec.... Autism is amazing but he's got something slightly nerdy about him too... loves Minecraft too lol
[Post edited 15 Jul 2017 23:42]
My daughter is 15 now and her current fixation (safe place) is Harry Potter Which is handy as I'm a Potter nerd BBM myself. Only just found out that she has created an on line quiz on a Potter site which has had 2000 views. I watched Prisoner of Askaban today without her knowing and made up six tough questions and she got them all correct. If you can channel that you end up with a great worker as they will obsess until they get it right
[Post edited 16 Jul 2017 0:53]
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Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 07:50 - Jul 16 with 8392 views
Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 21:40 - Jul 15 by DBaldy
I feel your pain - bringing up kids is hard enough in itself, but having to deal with something like autism is really difficult.
My 5 year old son is autistic and would fall under the "high functioning" bracket if such a thing exists, but he is a terrible loser at everything - he even has to be the first one up the stairs at bed time or the first one downstairs in the morning or he really kicks off. One day last week he slept in really late and went properly mental that he was the last one downstairs. Screaming, kicking, trying to bite etc - all cos he was the last one downstairs.
We play a lot of games on the Wii and he is getting pretty good on Mario Kart, but every time we race together I have to ask his permission before the race if I'm allowed to race properly and try to win, or let him win instead. There have been a number of times when I didn't ask (or didn't know I had to ask!) and world war 3 broke out cos he didn't win.
We do try to remind him that he can't win everything, but certainly within the house / family he absolutely cannot handle it when he loses. Yet bizarrely, on his school sports day a couple of weeks ago he came 4th and 5th in his two races and wasn't the slightest bit bothered, so it's looking like the environment or people he's competing against (ie his family) really brings out the worst in him. Maybe that had something to do with it with your lad, although possibly your reaction didn't help ;)
I guess with my son we try to remember strategies that work (or don't work) when it comes to things like this, which I'm sure you've tried as well, but it's hard to think ahead in the heat of the moment sometimes.
Probably best you don't get him to support Ipswich...
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Terrible parent moment, how would you deal with it? on 08:37 - Jul 16 with 8336 views
Unfortunately in life you won't win all the time. In sport, even the best are beaten occasionally. But the best bounce back and are usually gracious in defeat and more determined to win next time. It will do your son no harm to lose. It's a good life lesson in my opinion.
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