| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) 09:45 - Dec 16 with 2125 views | Warkystache |
"Gorn then" said Terry on Wednesday as he folded a Daily Mail, "Ah'll come'n wotch them load'o'rubbish lose again".
Yes, welcome back for a Warky special. One I never meant to write. It took the combined might of Terry attending the game, us winning and him whining he couldn't feel his toes like a cockney Douglas Bader all the way home. The train smelt of wet dog and spilled Stella, but the exuberance was all.
There's a lot to catch up on first, though. For a start, Tel's now managed to go part-time in the shop. The reason is Kaylee, one of Micky's mates who was 'between jobs' since her seasonal contract as an admin assistant with a local charity came to an end in early December. Mickey gave Tel the spiel and lo! She was installed on a temporary basis and Tel suddenly had a bit more free time.
The other thing is that his brother-in-law, Tony, is living with them temporarily until his new home is ready for him in Writtle. Long story this so I won't bore you (and, to be honest, I don't really understand bits of it anyway) but Tony and Sandy have applied for their decree nisi which takes a few months or so. Anyway, he's seen a three-bedroom new build in Writtle he likes so has bought and is waiting until January 14th to move in. It didn't make sense to pay money out to his landlord to rent for 6 months when he'd only use two of those months, so he's living with Tel and Mrs Tel. "'E's nah bovver" said Tel, diplomatically in front of Mrs Tel. "'E's nevvah bleedin' there, off doin' his business and seein' the kids mainly" he said to me out of her earshot later.
Tony has however, been a new inductee to the local's Curry Night . We've managed three since the middle of November and he's accompanied Tel to all, buying rounds and cutting his poppadoms in half neatly and not leaving half his dinner on the table mats after. He and Tel are like 'The Odd Couple'. Tony prefers nothing hotter than a Balti, and often orders a Tikka massala or a Korma, to old fashioned looks from Tel and a pointed hiss of "'E's takin' the proverbial in 'ere orderin' that muck" when Tony goes for a slash. Still, he's good company and likes a drink, and has happily paid for the taxi home, so who's complaining?
That's been it basically, since I last wrote. I managed to talk Terry into coming to the football yesterday. It wasn't difficult. Mrs Tel wanted the car so she could go with Tony and see the kids and then go on to Freeport for a bit of shopping with the daughter and Sandy. Mickey and Kaylee had the shop all sewn up. I was going to the footy. He had no other outlet. So I paid for his ticket in SAR and he joined me on the train from Manningtree, dressed in his blue parka and blue YSL jumper and Levis. He moaned how cold the wind was and I agreed. Still, I said, we'll get down the pub and we won't feel it after a while.
Which was true. We drank a lot. Tel, who's not used to drinking at lunchtime, adopted a bit of a thirst, and found the Wetherspoon's app on his phone. We ordered pint after pint, then, bloated and belching, decided to switch to scotch, via drambuie and a medicinal Bailey's. I didn't feel the cold when I ventured out at 2.30. I didn't really feel anything. Tel sang 'Singing the Blues' badly and then said how pretty the town centre looked with the market and the merry-go-round and that. He weaved as he walked. I walked like an idiotically-grinning zombie. They let us in the ground, which was a miracle in itself.
Cold. The booze wore off quickly. Then the rain got up and lashed us all in the SBRL. Sodden, frozen, hair dripping icy plops down my back, I nonetheless sang myself hoarse and rejoiced when Freddie's miss-hit ended up in the net. Wigan had about six thousand free kicks just outside our box but somehow we held on. Cue a screaming tide of rapture as the seven minutes injury time came to an end and then cue the Chambo fist-pump, a special one that he dug from deep and forced out like a piston on a speeding Flying Scotsman.
Tel met me at the traffic lights on Princes Street, soaked, wet hair clinging in fronds on his head, the whiff of a half-time brandy minature on his breath. "They bloody won!" he said, incredulous. "Ah've bort 'em luck!". Yes, I replied, and they're at home again next Saturday. We'll need your lucky charm again. And he looked at me, and he smiled, and it wasn't mocking or in jest, just a smile. "We'll see if it aint as cold as terday" he said. Then he moaned about his toes. [Post edited 16 Dec 2018 9:46]
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 09:48 - Dec 16 with 2083 views | Sarge |
‘him whining he couldn't feel his toes like a cockney Douglas Bader all the way home’
I think that’s one of the best lines I’ve read anywhere. |  | | |
| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 09:54 - Dec 16 with 2045 views | SitfcB |
Why didn’t he stand with you in SBRL? |  |
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 09:57 - Dec 16 with 2030 views | Warkystache |
| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 09:54 - Dec 16 by SitfcB |
Why didn’t he stand with you in SBRL? |
No room.
Besides, he likes the bar in SAR. | |
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 09:57 - Dec 16 with 2030 views | m14_blue |
Fabulous read. As always. | | | |
| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 10:19 - Dec 16 with 1980 views | The_Romford_Blue |
Top stuff as always
Merry Christmas to you and Tel |  |
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 10:31 - Dec 16 with 1953 views | BanksterDebtSlave |
Him and Evans must be the lucky combo......get him a half season ticket! |  |
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 20:28 - Dec 16 with 1764 views | J2BLUE |
Bump for anyone that missed it.
Needs more Terry. |  |
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 08:10 - Dec 17 with 1595 views | Rammo |
Finally got to meet the mythical Terry after bumping into you on the walk down to the ground and a very nice fella he is!
Great read as always Warky! |  |
| Even when you feel down always remember its just a game. |
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| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 10:06 - Dec 17 with 1522 views | farkenhell |
| The Warky Report; Wigan (h) on 09:48 - Dec 16 by Sarge |
‘him whining he couldn't feel his toes like a cockney Douglas Bader all the way home’
I think that’s one of the best lines I’ve read anywhere. |
No, this one is genius:
"...bloated and belching, decided to switch to scotch, via drambuie and a medicinal Bailey's".
I'm going to try this over Xmas. Probably when the in-laws are here... | | | |
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