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Still some people acting like fools
at 15:14 29 Mar 2020

Quite tempted by the plate of fried chicken and tinned peach halves.
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Still some people acting like fools
at 15:04 29 Mar 2020

That's a terrible spread.
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Jesus - "probably until the end of May, maybe even early June"”
at 13:12 29 Mar 2020

You are the Cannon to my Ball.
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Jesus - "probably until the end of May, maybe even early June"”
at 12:31 29 Mar 2020

If it's important enough for Jesus to give a quote then I think we should all listen this time.
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I have the Lurgy
at 11:17 29 Mar 2020

Have you run out of discount casserole mix from the cash and carry too, smoker?
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Top 5
at 09:55 29 Mar 2020

Which of course means you're in a great position to judge ;)
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TWTD advice. Has bread got bigger or has my toaster got smaller?
at 09:51 29 Mar 2020

Fine and dandy, Pecker my old mate. Hope you and your dear wife are keeping well.

Would opt for Marmite out of that little lot. Then marmalade, then jam (damson if possible). Your good self?

Also, best of luck with the ambulance tomorrow. Make sure they fasten their seatbelts!
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TWTD advice. Has bread got bigger or has my toaster got smaller?
at 09:37 29 Mar 2020

Really makes you think. We've the brains to split the atom but still can't get decent toast. We need a rethink.
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I have watched some terrible video footage of London's east end today.
at 09:21 29 Mar 2020

Predominant muslim area.
Sadiq Khan.
Savages.

Think we can see where you're going with this one, gazzer. Arf!
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I'm beginning to wonder if the planet, or Mother Nature, knows how to look after
at 13:59 28 Mar 2020

Are you sure? If you come down tomorrow there'll be your choice of orange or blackcurrant squash.
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I'm beginning to wonder if the planet, or Mother Nature, knows how to look after
at 13:33 28 Mar 2020

Shut it you. I'm on a mission to save Dolly's eternal soul here and could do without you fouling it up with this sort of mumbo jumbo.
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Takeaways
at 12:58 28 Mar 2020

Perfect. I'll bung a load of basmati in the 90 degree wash later then. Cheers.
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Takeaways
at 12:55 28 Mar 2020

Would a quick spin in the washing machine sort it out, factorz?
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Takeaways
at 10:33 28 Mar 2020

Warning: my egg fried rice came as plain boiled rice last night.

We've all got to pull together to get through this, I know, but is this a step too far?
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I'm beginning to wonder if the planet, or Mother Nature, knows how to look after
at 09:56 28 Mar 2020

As was foretold in the good book.

It is not too late to find God, young man. He is waiting for you.
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Anyone else seen the military out and about?
at 15:28 27 Mar 2020

Tumble Tots is an unforgiving proving ground. Rather you than me, bud.
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Anyone else seen the military out and about?
at 15:22 27 Mar 2020

They only send in the heavies to protect high-value targets. We're expecting the cub scout patrol sometime after tea this evening.
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Well this is strange - GTech been told by Govt not to produce ventilators
at 15:07 27 Mar 2020

There's something fishy about that GTech bloke who's always on the box. They probably found out what it is during the vetting process.
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So the news keep telling us that The Queen is in good health
at 15:03 27 Mar 2020

Insecurity can be a terrible thing for us fellas when it comes to that sort of thing.
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So the news keep telling us that The Queen is in good health
at 13:43 27 Mar 2020

Congratulations on becoming an ambulance driver, mate. Just try not to bore your cargo to death.
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