| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation 15:43 - Sep 5 with 3601 views | clive_baker |
The vast majority of my posts on here are probably football related, and I'm not one to get too involved in social, personal or political conversations on here although I do enjoy reading them. That's not because I think I know all the answers, its just how I prefer to engage on here. That said, I've seen good advice changing hands in the past which leads me to this post. How good are you at dealing with pressure? Social pressures specifically. Do you even feel them? How much expectation do you put on yourself? I think on the spectrum I would wager I'm some way up there in the regard of feeling a pressure to succeed at certain things and putting pressure on myself. I didn't at school particularly, I wasn't too bothered about my grades when really I should have been.
It's only really hit me in recent years though, I think the initial contributor was a mortgage, then turning 30, recently marriage, and now I have a child on the way which has taken things to a new level. In a non humble brag way, I am fortunate to have a good job and can 'provide' (although the whole concept feels totally antiquated to me). My wife and I are firmly a 50:50 partnership, I just happen to earn a lot more money in my job. Despite that, and despite using the term 'fortunate', it creates a lot of pressure which I've really started feeling of late. I feel a lot on my shoulders in that regard and wondered if that's normal? It's not something I've spoken to friends about particularly. What if I lose me job and can't get another one? What if I get ill? Not nice things to think about, and I try to have provisions in place in the form of savings etc. but I feel like there's a period in ones life where there's a transition (many will experience it well before I have I'm sure) from care free to proper responsibilities. Or maybe it's just me that feels that? I wish I was more like my old self in some respects, spending every penny creating memories, travelling, living deep in an overdraft, nomadic, no ties. I mean you only live once right? No offence to my wife and unborn child of course - I wouldn't change that for anything.
Am i making sense? Sorry for the rant.
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:47 - Sep 5 with 3557 views | FrimleyBlue |
The first thing you could look into if you haven't already is Redundancy insurance. I took this out a few years back and it does provide you with a sense of relief that even if you do lose your job, not only do you have a redundancy payout but you'll also have a little bit of a fallback too should finding a new role take abit of time. Also personal health insurances.. So whilst thinking about spending on travel and creating memories, my advice to take the pressures off would be to sort those 2 things out first. Then that pressure is immediately lifted. |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:49 - Sep 5 with 3551 views | J2BLUE |
Do what I did. Consistently underachieve in all walks of life for 30 years and people stop caring. |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:50 - Sep 5 with 3539 views | FrimleyBlue |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:49 - Sep 5 by J2BLUE |
Do what I did. Consistently underachieve in all walks of life for 30 years and people stop caring. |
I still care J2 | |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:53 - Sep 5 with 3527 views | clive_baker |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:49 - Sep 5 by J2BLUE |
Do what I did. Consistently underachieve in all walks of life for 30 years and people stop caring. |
That's BS, you're J2. You've got unrivalled brand equity on TWTD. | |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:55 - Sep 5 with 3508 views | clive_baker |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:47 - Sep 5 by FrimleyBlue |
The first thing you could look into if you haven't already is Redundancy insurance. I took this out a few years back and it does provide you with a sense of relief that even if you do lose your job, not only do you have a redundancy payout but you'll also have a little bit of a fallback too should finding a new role take abit of time. Also personal health insurances.. So whilst thinking about spending on travel and creating memories, my advice to take the pressures off would be to sort those 2 things out first. Then that pressure is immediately lifted. |
Thanks. That's very practical and useful advice. I do sometimes think if someone dropped £1m in my bank I would find that most of the pressures would happen to disappear. Perhaps they would be replaced by something else, maybe it's how my brain is wired.
When I see people like Rachael Bland today though I do think jeez, she only had 9 years on me. That could happen to anyone, why worry about anything. Live your life innit. | |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:56 - Sep 5 with 3511 views | NewcyBlue |
I dare say if you speak to your wife she will tell you that YOU are putting that pressure on yourself unduly, that money comes and goes and that as long as you have enough to get by it won’t matter.
Now I’m not saying that will take the pressure off. It won’t.
The fact that you’re feeling that pressure tells me a lot about you as person. Your child has an amazing father. Your wife a fantastic husband.
If that pressure gets to you a bit too much sometimes have a rant on here, it’s a fine place to do it.
How far along is MrsC underscore B? |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:57 - Sep 5 with 3510 views | itfcjoe |
I do think having children really brings everything home that this is now it, whilst 'stuck' isn't the right word because you've chosen that path it is what you are effectively.
Because my wife is a mortgage adviser, she has seen plenty of people who have come to her in dire straits for one reason or another - and that means we are effectively over covered with regards to insurances and provisions. Whilst not nice to talk about, it does give us a crumb of comfort that if anything serious were to happen the other one wouldn't need to work for the forseeable future. The mortgage would be cleared, a bigger lump would pay out, a salary would be in place and workplace benefits kick in. That's before I think about redunadancy cover etc that she has.
Some people will claim they can't afford to do it, but then if that is the case you can't afford not to. But also as savings and equity build up you also put yourself in a better and better position each month with a bigger load to fall back on.
It's also most important to only compare yourself against yourself, everyones positions are so different - so many people look like they are doing well and whilst they are in many respects, they will do things so much differently to you that the frames of reference are so different hat if you have a nice house, can afford your mortgage with relative comfort and can afford to do what you want to do most of the time then you are doing better than most people. I don't lead a lavish lifestyle, but if me and my wife want to do something we can generally do it without thinking about it (but we aren't silly with it in any way) |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:59 - Sep 5 with 3489 views | footers |
There was a very good thread on this very subject a while back. Any TWTD archivists who can provide a link?
FWIW here's my side of it. I'm from a very working class family who'd never even finished high school before. I'm the odd one out and was the first to go to uni etc. So my parents never really knew what to do with me, and as such I've never had any pressure from the get-go. A fish out of water, the family oddball.
Now as I'm getting older and seeing my friends get married, starting families, buying houses etc, it's starting to feel a bit like 'underachievement' on my part. But in reality, I'm not really fussed about those things (tho a house would be nice). Then again, we're such a diverse group that it's impossible to have any sort of yard stick between us. We all have different goals, successes, strains, whatever. I know I wouldn't swap my 'less successful' life for a mate's who's putting in 100 hours a week.
I guess just focus on the fact that these goals are all relative: what you find desirable may not be desirable for someone else. The things in your life that make you happy are the most important, not any 2.4 children, privet hedge lifestyle that seems to be the norm. Be you and be happy with it! Sod the rest of them. |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 16:00 - Sep 5 with 3480 views | FrimleyBlue |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:56 - Sep 5 by NewcyBlue |
I dare say if you speak to your wife she will tell you that YOU are putting that pressure on yourself unduly, that money comes and goes and that as long as you have enough to get by it won’t matter.
Now I’m not saying that will take the pressure off. It won’t.
The fact that you’re feeling that pressure tells me a lot about you as person. Your child has an amazing father. Your wife a fantastic husband.
If that pressure gets to you a bit too much sometimes have a rant on here, it’s a fine place to do it.
How far along is MrsC underscore B? |
You're spot on about using this place for feelings etc
Yeah i'm negative,. But I use this place to share those frustrations that you don't get to talk about to others.
No one around me follows town so it's pointless. And with Frimley, trying to be an owner and not a fan of football is incredibly difficult.. hence me being happy with frimley and not with Ipswich....
BUT that's why this forum works. It's a place to share thoughts on all subjects, so if the OP ever just needs a place to rant etc, this is it. | |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 16:03 - Sep 5 with 3469 views | clive_baker |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:56 - Sep 5 by NewcyBlue |
I dare say if you speak to your wife she will tell you that YOU are putting that pressure on yourself unduly, that money comes and goes and that as long as you have enough to get by it won’t matter.
Now I’m not saying that will take the pressure off. It won’t.
The fact that you’re feeling that pressure tells me a lot about you as person. Your child has an amazing father. Your wife a fantastic husband.
If that pressure gets to you a bit too much sometimes have a rant on here, it’s a fine place to do it.
How far along is MrsC underscore B? |
Thanks, that's nice to hear.
I mean i'm not flashy in any way at all, I don't need a swanky car or anything like that I'm pretty low maintenance and so is my wife. I kind of do acknowledge that I put undue pressure on myself, it just doesn't seem to take the pressure off. I look at friends who seem to manage, I guess I just need to adjust and get the balance.
She's due in Jan, hopefully we'll have seen a few league wins by then! | |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 16:07 - Sep 5 with 3435 views | J2BLUE |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 15:53 - Sep 5 by clive_baker |
That's BS, you're J2. You've got unrivalled brand equity on TWTD. |
Gav stole 11,000 up votes from me. TWTD can do one. | |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 16:11 - Sep 5 with 3421 views | Rob88 |
Sounds like you want income protection if you haven’t got it already and life insurance.
My biggest kick up the arse was flunking university and it has probably served me better than finishing with a 1st class honours degree. I keep meaning to frame and privately display my initial attempt at university as it has been my biggest lesson and best motivator. I think because of this, and the stage of my life that I am in, the only pressure I feel is that which I put upon myself. I am however my biggest critic. [Post edited 5 Sep 2018 16:14]
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 16:18 - Sep 5 with 3390 views | WD19 |
Total sense.
I could write an essay. I might later. First i was obsessed about the mortgage (which I cleared by the time I was 35)....now it is an obsession about retirement saving. Never today, always tomorrow. Its deeply unhealthy and unhappy. For now I will just say I feel your pain. |  | | |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 16:20 - Sep 5 with 3377 views | Bueller |
As others have mentioned, income protection would be a good step. Some cover can be pricy depending on what percentage of your salary you want covered or the max pay out in a year and so on. Everyone I work with has it near enough and when you weigh up the cost of it and what you waste money on in a month sometimes, it is a no brainer. |  | | |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 17:33 - Sep 5 with 3258 views | EdwardStone |
The strongest prison bars are the ones we create for ourselves
Never ever compare yourself to others...comparison is the thief of happiness
Be kind, be happy, be nice. The World will repay you a thousandfold |  | | |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 17:05 - Sep 7 with 2833 views | Swansea_Blue |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 19:37 - Sep 5 by J2BLUE |
'because I recognise the truth in it'
Cheers mate  I was only joking...but now...  |
I’ve been wooshed by an egg torturer
I meant from my own perspective, not yours! |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 17:22 - Sep 7 with 2819 views | caught-in-limbo |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 17:33 - Sep 5 by EdwardStone |
The strongest prison bars are the ones we create for ourselves
Never ever compare yourself to others...comparison is the thief of happiness
Be kind, be happy, be nice. The World will repay you a thousandfold |
There was a time when I thought this type of comment was little more than a sweet sentiment. I've grown a lot since then.
My advice to the OP is
a) accept that such feelings are perfectly normal
b) identify where the stress is coming from
c) identify what good it's doing you if any
d) identify all the things in your life you can be positive about
e) be positive and grateful for all the things from d above
f) check yourself when you feel the pressure piling on
g) learn to breathe properly
h) accept that much of this sounds pointless to anyone who hasn't truly overcome stress like you describe
alternatively buy yourself financial breathing space by insuring every part of your life and relax for as long as you can afford it |  |
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| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 17:44 - Sep 7 with 2793 views | Swansea_Blue |
| Dealing with social / personal pressure and expectation on 17:22 - Sep 7 by caught-in-limbo |
There was a time when I thought this type of comment was little more than a sweet sentiment. I've grown a lot since then.
My advice to the OP is
a) accept that such feelings are perfectly normal
b) identify where the stress is coming from
c) identify what good it's doing you if any
d) identify all the things in your life you can be positive about
e) be positive and grateful for all the things from d above
f) check yourself when you feel the pressure piling on
g) learn to breathe properly
h) accept that much of this sounds pointless to anyone who hasn't truly overcome stress like you describe
alternatively buy yourself financial breathing space by insuring every part of your life and relax for as long as you can afford it |
Welcome back, haven’t seen you around for a while (although more than possible that I’ve not been observant). | |
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